The Count Down begins

Well the count down begins......6 more days till I HOPEFULLY start my new jerney of Real Estate School. I am getting nervous for many reasons. First off will I be able todo this? Comon lets face it I was terrible at school when I was younger almost failed out graduated by the skin of my teath and here I am going back to school almost 13 years later. Second I already hooked up with a real estate company but something to me is not jiving. I heard how good this company was from my cousin who works for them and how good leads are yadda yadda yadda. When I contacted the owner I never told him who I was till after all the talking was over. But I am not getting special treatment and that is the way I like it. BUT the owner is "good" friends with my aunt and she is like his right hand girl in the company ( even tho she is not a realtor ) and She called me soon after learning that I had been talking with the owner and told me the following things.....my cousin who is her daughter IS not allowed to call her MOM at company meetings. Owner says that is not proper in the buisness world. So it would be best if I do not call her Aunt. Then the other day I sent him a IM becuase I saw he was online and wanted to thank him for the offer of books.....later I get a IM from my aunt telling me NOT to IM owner anymore becuase he hates them and no one IM's him. Well if that is the case then why the hell did he not tell me himself. But I am not going to do anything till I go to this meeting next week with them all and see what I can learn...PLUS I may just stay there for a year...to get help with my schooling when I do not understand something sell my first house and then leave. This way everyone gets money....for all the time they have spent on me helping me. The other thing that I am worried about is that it is all done at home. Even tho it is a real realestate company everyones office is out of there home. There is no "main" office. But at the same time tho I kind of like the idea that I can do this all from home. This way I can still work at the bus company ( for now ) and still be here at home for my family. So that is it in a nut shell.....bottem line...I AM SCARED TO DEATH!!!

Stress, Stress and more Stress

I wanted this blog to become a happy blog but I gotta write, I gotta get my feeling out!!! I am soooo beyond stressed it is not funny anymore. I want to go back to school but I think Mike is with holding doing the income tax return so I can not have the money to go back to school. ( $400 ) Next this sex thing and his is driving me insane. Things he has said about my sex drive ring in my brain and I can not get them out even tho he told me to "forget" that he said it and asked me to try. He is upset because he does not get sex as offen as he would like. We "use" to be a once a week couple, but the more he gets sad and mopey and the more I can not pull him up the more I get sad and stressed and I sware that hampers the sex drive. Mike told me I was not "normal" and I am "unhealthy" when it comes to my sex drive. He had me convinced I was not normal and even broke down and talked to my gyno about it. He told me I am NORMAL and no UNHEALTY, and many many women that he sees has no sex drive and stress is the #1 cause of loss of a sex drive. Well I am a stressful person by nature. And this year these last lets say 3 months have been VERY stressful....forclosure, gas getting shut off, electric getting shut off, work, and then this sex thing. When he talks about this sex thing I try to understand his need, I ask questions BUT because I guess I ask to many question so I can understand better I am NOT allowed to ask questions anymore. He even went as far as telling me he thought my doctor was wrong and i should seek a new gyno ( o.k. not in so many words but it was hinted at ) because my doctor will not prescribe anything. I sit back and look at everything and I am more stressed ALMOST to a depressed state because I feel like my marriage is ONLY based on sex. And because that is how I see it I am MORE upset, and depressed. Maybe I am over reacting, maybe I am not normal, and even tho he asked me to forget he even said that how could I when those words are what he meant. I ask myself can he accept me for me, for who i am and what I am and what I do? Can he love me if he does not get this sex? Sex is not on the top of my "todo" list if you get what I am saying. I could live with out it, BUT I give him sex when I do becuase that is what he wants. I sware he wants me to be some kind of hore, nympho, something along those lines. I talk to my bestfriends C and V about this and C is married and she assures me I am normal, that Mike and I have a better sex life then her and B. V has not had sex in over 1 year and she is not dying and she is normal. AND V is single, can go out and have sex with the first guy that walks into any bar if you get what I am saying but chooses NOT to. C also tells me too that B "wishes" he could have it more than once a week more like 2 times a month but he does not get all mopey, depressed becasue he is not getting any sex. Maybe this is the beginnig of the end....but I am not the one to call it quits...BUT I think Mike will soon because he says I wont change....but why should I change when all he does is make fun of my sex drive and puts me down about it every single time the subject comes up. He even went as far as telling me " the more you do it the more you will like it ".....I just have no clue. I hate feeling like I am bad for feeling the way I do. I hate that I can NOT make him happy unless he gets sex from me and there is no other ways to get a smile on his face. And that last sentance right there leads me to believe again that our marraige is ONLY sex based to him.
If you do not believe me on how he is wallowing in on this sex thing here is his blog link...you tell me....
http://brokenhubby27.blogspot.com/

I am going to stop now...cause what is the use....No matter what I do I am sure everyone out there will agree with him and make me feel worse!!!

Lets go on a picnic....

First you need a jeep to pull the camper

Next you need a camper ( thats it under the green tarp )

Then the picnic table

A chair for your guests to sit on while setting up camp

And last but not least you will need a grill to make those burgers and dogs :)